All We Know
by dearxjuliet
Summary: He faked his death; she didn't know. She moved on; he didn't know. What happens when he comes finally comes home? Will he be able to get his life back together or has he truly lost everything? Juice/OC/Kozik POV's.
1. Emergency

A/N: No, I am NOT Kurt Sutter, so I therefore don't own the Sons of Anarchy ... if I did, Juice would have more lines! Anyway, this story is loosely based off of a dream I had the other night. It will be told in various points of view and I already know where I want to go with it. But if you could kindly leave a comment about it after you read it, it would be greatly appreciated. My OC's name is Valerie Morrow, Clay and Gemma's daughter who resembles Dianna Agron. The ages in the storyare going to be different then on the show because this is a fanfic and I said so! Lol. I have Kozik as around 26, Valerie as 22, Juice as 23, and Jax and Tara as 28.

_FLASHBACK: One Year Ago …_

"Juice is dead," echoed through the club house and everyone sat in complete silence. When my father Clay Morrow spoke those three words, I felt my insides freeze. My whole body felt cold and an array of emotions flooded my mind.

"No, you're wrong Dad. I don't believe you," I stood up and ran out of the room and into the closest bathroom. Juice was more than my best friend; he was … he** IS** ... the love of my life. I would know if he was dead; I would be able to feel it. I just didn't feel it. The tears spilled out of my light green eyes as I sobbed, collapsing on the floor. I wrapped my arms around my knees and pulled them into me, laying my head against my knees.

"Val," I heard Kozik call out my name as he gently opened the door to the bathroom.

"Go away," I managed to choke out without looking up to meet his eyes. I did not want his pity or anyone else's pity for that matter.

He reluctantly sat down next to me and draped his arm over my shoulder, engulfing me safely in his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist, buried my face into his chest, and kept crying. "I know this is hard for you. It's hard for all of us. I promise you everything will be okay. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow … but one day, it will," I didn't say anything. I was at a loss for words.

"It won't get better. He's dead. He's not coming back … _I'm all alone now_" I whispered.

"You'll never be alone Val. You've got your mother, Clay, an older brother who would move Heaven and Earth to keep you safe, your Godfather Tig, all the guys in this club, Tara, your nephews Abel and Spencer, and you've got me. You don't have to face this alone," he said.

"I love him. We were supposed to get married, have a little girl, get a puppy named Tucker, live in a white picket fence house. We had dreams. And now I'm left with **nothing** … nothing at all," Anger poured in me as I shook my head in disbelief. Just last night we were lying in bed together and now he's not here. I _ached_ for him, for what we were and what we were going to be.

Gemma barged into the room, "Oh baby." She walked over and Kozik stood up swiftly.

"I'm going to get going. I'll see you ladies later," he gave a weak smile before turning and walking out of the room.

"Momma," I cried, standing up quickly to give her a hug.

The funeral was three days later. I looked around the graveyard. It was a somber day, gray and cloudy with complete silence. Not even the birds were singing. Everyone watched as they lowered the coffin into the cold, hard ground. It had been a closed casket ceremony, Juice's wishes of course. His cut was draped over the dark wood. I felt empty, like I was a walking zombie during everything; even when everyone was giving me their remorse.

"Come on Valerie, I'll take you home," Jax said to me after he gave me a hug. Tara walked up behind him with Spencer. Gemma had Abel in her arms, Clay beside her.

"Jax, I'll be fine. I promise. But can I talk to Dad for a minute? Alone?" I questioned and everyone nodded.

"Daddy, did they …" I trailed off and he nodded, knowing exactly what I was going to ask. He held out his hand and I opened mine as he placed a ring in my palm. I looked down at the silver band and closed my fist.

" Princess, I know he'd want you to have the promise ring," I nodded, remembering the exchange of promise rings that occured the previous winter. I had switched my diamond and platinum promise ring from my left hand to my right, seeing as our promises could never be fulfilled.

"Thanks Daddy. I love you," I wrapped my arms around him.

"I love you too Valerie and I'm so sorry for your loss. If there was anything I could do to change it, you know I would in a second. Do you want me to give you a ride home?" he asked.

"No, Kozik's going to drive me home. But thank you for the offer,"I smiled weakly before standing up on my tippy-toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. I walked off towards the blonde-haired man, leaving my family behind me.

"Ready?" he questioned, placing his hand gently on my back and lead me towards his car.

"Yeah, let's get out of here," I replied, sighing.


	2. Miracle

A/N: Thank you to everyone that reviewed, favorite & alerted! It means so much to me. I hope I don't disappoint you! Well here goes chapter two. Enjoy :)

**Chapter Two: Miracle**  
Juice P.O.V.

I slid my key into the lock and twisted it until I heard the familiar click that has been out of my life for the past year. I paused before opening the door. 'Would she be here?' I thought to myself before shaking my head. I did not know what to expect when I opened the door. Sure, it was my house, but since we turned 18 she's been here almost every night. "Well, here goes nothing," I pushed the door open.

The sunlight was streaming through the windows and I noticed the dust particles floating in the air. The house was exactly how I left it. I noticed that nothing was out of place as I walked towards my bedroom. Something caught my eye and I stopped at the fireplace. Well, I should say that the lack of something caught my eye, if you feel like getting technical. The picture of us from Christmas was gone; it was always her favorite. I knew I had to find her, to see her and tell her everything was going to be okay. I quickly set my suitcase down and headed back outside to my motorcycle.

First I headed to the club house. Clay already knew I wasn't dead. I had called him yesterday and had a club meeting to attend and explain myself later in the week. Right now, everyone was just happy to hear that I'm alive and well. Staying away for the past year had been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it was for everyone's well being. I just hoped that Val would forgive me for leaving her.

When I got there I noticed Jax first. "Dude, what the hell? Where have you been?" Jax greeted me with a solid bro hug.

"Man, it's been crazy. I'm going to fill you all in soon, I promise. But first, where's your sister?" I asked anxiously, growing slightly more nervous as time progressed.

"She …" Jax paused and looked down, "she's at the hospital working. She's a C.N.A. now. She's taking classes to become an R.N. Maybe you should call her first?"

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "And waste more time away from her? I don't think so. I love her Jax," I said before turning and heading back towards my motorcycle. "Oh and Jax, thanks. I'll see you around bro," I climbed on and waved.

"No problem bro," Jax replied, his expression unreadable.

I sped off towards St. Thomas hospital as fast as my bike would take me. When I got there, I parked and sprinted into the building.

"Oh my God, Juice. You really are alive," Tara's face expressed a look of shock and happiness.

"Yeah, I am. Um … where's Valerie?" I questioned, wanting to avoid being bombarded with a flood of questions.

"She's right over there," Tara pointed and I started to walk over. "I don't think that's such a good id-"Tara trailed off when she noticed that there was no changing my mind. I was a man on a mission and I wasn't stopping until it was completed.

Her long, blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun that sat perfectly on her head. Her light blue scrubs were a little loose on her small frame but I could tell it was her. "Valerie!" I called out. She looked up before turning around to face me.

Her eyes went wide with shock; that's when I looked deep into them. In the brief moment we shared, I saw everything she was feeling in that moment. I mean, we had been best friends for how many years and this girl is the love of my life. I saw confusion, anger, betrayal, tears, loneliness, hatred and most importantly, joy.

"Oh my GOD!" she said dropping her manila folders all over the floor. Her mouth stayed slightly agape as I inched closer to her.

"Surprise?" I said and smiled before bending down to start picking up her work.

"You're … here. You're _alive_?" her voice was quite and shaky. I could tell a million thoughts were racing through her head as she squatted to gather her papers.

"Yeah, I'm still breathing. I missed you too," I looked up at her and smiled. She looked down, not meeting my gaze. I looked down to the pile and that's when I noticed it. A three-stone, princess cut diamond and platinum engagement ring gently rested on her left hand ring finger.

"What the hell?" my eyebrows rose in complete and utter shock. I felt my heart grow heavy as I stayed focused on the ring that _I didn't_ put on her finger.


	3. Pressure

**Disclaimer: **No, I don't own Sons of Anarchy, nor am I Kurt Sutter. Last time I checked, I was a girl :)

**A/N: **I sincerely apologize for it taking so long for me to update this story. I've just had a lot going on between work and getting ready for my college visit to the University of Alabama, which I'll be attending next fall. It's 1000 miles away from home so it's kind of a big deal to me. On top of that I had some personal issues I had to overcome and gave me a stint of writers block. The good news is I have a new muse and am pleased to present you with this third chapter. I hope you are not disappointed with it. Thank you to all who reviewed, favorite & alerted; you mean the world to me! And I promise I won't go 21 days without an update again.

**Chapter Three: Pressure**  
Valerie's P.O.V.

At first, I thought I was seeing things; a ghost of my past to be more specific. The knot that formed in my stomach when I saw that it was not a ghost, but in fact a very much so alive Juice standing in front of me, was completely unbearable. My heart began to beat frantically as blood rushed through my veins. I shut my eyes and re-opened them. "You … you're alive," I said in a quiet voice.

He responded to my question with a smile first. Following the smile that I had fallen in love with so many years ago was something that was about to turn my life completely upside-down. "Yeah, I'm still breathing. I missed you too."

I looked up to meet his gaze but his eyes had drifted and fell upon my engagement ring. My left hand immediately felt like it weighed a ton. I went to open my mouth to speak but he had already beaten to the punch. "What the hell?" his voice was full of confusion which masked the sound of disappointment.

I tilted my head to the side and everyone standing near the nurse's station grew quiet. They knew that World War 3 was about to begin. "You're seriously the one standing here what the hell-ing me? Where the HELL have you been for the past year and a half Juan? Why did you just decided to come back out of the blue? You have many more questions to answer than I do so why don't you start explaining now. Okay?" I felt the anger pulsating throughout my body.

"Val, it's a long story," he said and I stood up straighter. Half of me wanted to embrace him in a hug, the other half of me wanted to knock his lights out. Right now I felt that it would be safer to channel the second part, rather than the first.

"Don't you dare Val me," you could hear the Gemma in my voice. After all, I am the daughter of Clay and her, so it's natural that I'm going to have a lot of fire and ice in my blood. "I can't believe you. You could have called or written. Somehow you could have let us all know you were alive," I spat out.

"What the hell are you all looking at? Go away," he motioned for the nurses that surrounded us to leave the vicinity. "Valerie, I can explain it all but I want you to answer my damn question. I asked you first," his voice was growing slightly more annoyed with each passing second.

"What the hell isn't a legitimate question Juice. There's no way for me to answer it if you're not being direct about it," I retorted.

"You KNOW what I'm talking about," he said, his eyes growing misty. My eyebrows raised; Juan Carlos Ortiz was about to cry. "I'm clearly talking about that ring on your finger. Who put it there?"

"Well if you want to get technical, I did after my shower this morning," I smirked. "But if you want to know who my fiancé is, that's a completely different story," I said in a more calm voice than before. I had spent so many years falling in love with Juice but it only took one second for us to shatter apart.

"Who is he?" Juice went from having a tense posture to a more inquisitive one.

"You're supposed to be dead Juice. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm really happy you're alive but it's not going to change anything …" my voice trailed off.

"Valerie, who are you getting married to?" Juice asked, taking a step closer to me.

I went to open my mouth and tell him but no sound came out. I choked up. I understood why it was difficult to tell him. My fiancé was … is … his friend. I kept reminding myself that Juice being alive won't change anything. I even told him that. Now I have to follow through with it. Before I could say anything, we both noticed Kozik approaching the area.

"I'm just going to let you two finish this alone …" Kozik said, before turning to go stand near Tara on the other side of the hallway.

"Kozik? He's your fiancé, isn't he?" Juice questioned his voice shaky.

"Yes. We're getting married in two weeks," I watched him began to back up so I inched closer, trying to make the gap smaller. "Let me explain. Please," I said, noticing anger surge through him. I know he didn't have a right to be angry but it still hurt that I was hurting him.

"No, there's nothing to explain. You're happy and I don't want to ruin that for you. All I could ever ask for is your happiness; especially after everything I've put you through Valerie. I should leave now," he turned and headed over towards the elevator.

"Juice wait!" I called out after him but it was too late. The doors opened and he stepped in and turned to face me. Tears began to roll down my face as he hit the button to shut door. "Please," I mouthed to him, not able to speak once more.

"See yah later Val," he said as the doors shut quickly and he vanished from my life once more. At least this time I knew it wasn't permanent.

I turned to face Tara and Kozik. I went to ask Kozik if he was ready to go home, but once again I was incapable of forming a sentence. "Ready to go home?" he asked, clearly able to read my mind. All I could do was nod as I handed the folders over to Tara. I think I was in a state of shock. Scratch that, I was definitely in a state of shock.


	4. My Heart

**Disclaimer:** I'm not Kurt Sutter …

**A/N:** Writers block is the worst. Every time I sit down to write this story, I second guess myself and I apologize for that guys. So I decided to suck it up and finish this chapter. I will finish this story, I promise! Here's the next chapter; enjoy :)

**Chapter Four: My Heart  
**Juice POV

I was pissed, livid even. I had let the one girl I love slip through my fingers like sand. This was entirely my fault and now I would suffer the rest of my life. "God dammit!" I shouted in anger outside the hospital.

"Juice!" I heard Tara call out my name as I was heading towards my motorcycle. I wanted to drive away, far away and not come back this time.

"What Tara?" I said as the doctor ran up to me.

"You need to know what happened when you were gone. The complete story; nothing left out. Look, I only have three more minutes on my break but meet me at Lumpy's around six. Okay?" she said as she glanced at the watch on her wrist.

"Alright, thanks Tara. I'll see you then," I headed towards my bike, fighting back tears. I headed back to my house where I snapped at the sight of the pictures; all the memories.

"All …" I yelled, pulling the bookcase down, "My …" I slid my arm across the mantle and all the pictures came crashing down on the floor. Glass was scattered across the room but I honestly didn't care. "Fault," I slumped into the arm chair and stared at the mess I had created. I never let my anger get the best of me but I couldn't help it.

I watched the clock until it was half an hour to six. I sped off towards Lumpy's as fast as my bike would take me. Tara was already there when I arrived and I slid in the booth across from her.

"Feeling any better?" she asked, seeing the tormented look on my face.

"No, I feel like shit," I said. When the waitress came I ordered a beer even though I knew I was going to need something stronger by the end of the night.

"Okay, so I'm going to tell you everything at once. No interrupting, got it?" Tara told me bluntly. I nodded and took a sip of the beer.

"When we found out you were 'dead', Valerie ran out of the room crying and upset. Kozik was the one who found her in the bathroom. They developed a friendship after that. About two weeks after the funeral, she found out she was pregnant," I choked on my beer, in shock. But I didn't dare interrupt Tara's story. Did this mean I have a kid? So many thoughts ran through my head as I waited for Tara to continue.

"She was getting along great in the pregnancy. Kozik took care of her, taking her to all the appointments and everything. Around 16 weeks she developed Braxton Hick's contractions and we found out it was a little girl," Great. My heart was pounding heavily in my chest. We had always wanted a little girl; it was a part of our dream family. I nodded, signaling to Tara that I was ready to hear the rest.

"She went into early labor around 22 weeks and the baby was stillborn due to placental abruptions. It wasn't anything that she did wrong; it was just a horrible complication of the pregnancy. She was devastated. They had a small funeral for your daughter, who they named Johanna Marie Ortiz. She's buried near John Teller's grave if you want to go visit her. Somewhere since that time Kozik and her friendship developed into a romance and they got engaged. At first she was skeptical but I think she was just scared of losing him like she lost you. They're getting married in two weeks," Tara finished talking.

I opened my mouth to say something but I was at a loss of words. I couldn't believe I wasn't there for her through this tough time. If I were Valerie, I would never forgive me. "A baby?" I said shaking my head.

"I know, it's a lot to take in Juice. But she's at a good spot in her life now and it needs to stay that way. When you died, Jax and I were terrified for her. We thought she was going to die of a broken heart to be honest. She barely ate, barely slept. All she did was work. Please, for Valerie's sake, don't ruin this for her," Tara said honestly. I knew it hurt her to tell me that but she was completely right. I wouldn't ruin Valerie's life anymore.

"Thank you for telling me this Tara. I have to go to the club meeting, but here's money for the tab," I stood up and jetted out of Lumpy's. My head felt like it was going to explode.


End file.
